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What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

12.06.2025 01:01

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Im dying but, im not bitter.

I waited trembling.

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Why did i forgive my father ?

She found it foreign!.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

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I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

When British people write X after everything, are they being serious or trying not to be awkward?

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

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He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

We all went to grammer schools

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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

So, i spoilt her more .

I was seconnd youngest,

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Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

All the time i was locked up.

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The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I did it because my mum asked me too!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

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19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

How do I study with focus and concentration and avoid distractions and procrastination?

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

She loved him until the end.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

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His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

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He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

I couldn’t, believe it.

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Where the ultimate outsiders.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

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On the 31st of Jan this month .

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

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Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

But it wasn’t much.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I write beautiful poetry .

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

And i lived it daily.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I was very sick at this time too.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

I think the readers, may guess!

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

But, we were locked up after school.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Was to survive, this bastard.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Especially a lifetime of it.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

We were not on the streets..

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I was scared of men, in general

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I could never make a relationship work though!

He resisted the act ,that day.

Comes on , in middle age.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Im still living with it.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I will be 64.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

My family never makes their pension either.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Put me off passion for life!!

I have no regrets .

(And it was in our own minds.)

She was in good health!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I was 9 years of age.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

It was going to be , some day.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

I don,t even have a pension.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

When she asked me how she looked .

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

This is soul school!.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

What did i know ?

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I said to her

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

He knew the spot.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

My life is so biszare .

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

As i do to all so called friends.?

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Who then, do I blame.?

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

She married twice! .

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

She wouldn,t have been !

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Ive learnt so much.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

But ive been too sick for many years..

I never cut or harmed myself..

One cannot live in the past .

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

So whats the point in blame.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Would this be the day?